I seriously hate myself man.

Dunno what's the f problem with me. Just one simple task and I failed miserably.

I am totally not fit to lead my peers and my juniors AT ALL.

I should not have taken up the post of 3/5 Chairman, when I have promised myself earlier that I will only be and always be 2/4 0'8 chairperson.

I should not have taken up the post of Company Leader when I have promised myself not to take it up ever since I was in Guides.

Instead, I should have let others more suited for these jobs to take up these posts, while I can be left in a corner unwatched and unseen.

I feel that I really led down the class today, those who want to play, but are afraid to voice out. Did I really try my best to help them? Or did I just abandon them?

Same as Guides. Did I really put in my best effort to bring the sec3s together as one??? As in, really SEC3S, not only majority of them??? Or did I just shrug it off because I am afraid that I would be an 'outcast' too?

What is happening to me??? To protect and help my friends, isn't that what I strongly believe in? To be a good a role model and help fight for my peers' rights, isn't that what I am supposed to do?

Yet I seemed to fail to uphold these beliefs every single day.

I really am a failure..... to have led down all the people who have put their trust and faith in me......I am seriously a loser man. 10:33:00 pm

RI 0'1 CAMPFIRE 2009

One word to describe:

OWNAGE =DDDDDDD


what I like about the campfire is this time, it's in Sarimbun Camp = OUTDOORS, and how the Scouts are really bonded (current 0'1 scouts and the Old Boys) Then plus the dance is not those super complicated de, but easier, so makes me feel that we are not excluded, but are part of it. =)

Lolz, can't describe larh. Just that other than my beloved A*Guides Campfires, this campfire is the best I have ever attended. =D



One more thing. Interviews are super funny. =DDDDDD HX, JH, Courteney etc, you will know what I meant. ROFL. 12:09:00 am

Yup. You name it.

My Sec 3 life like one whole big crap and nightmare, and it's not even half a year yet. (Kays, maybe gonna be in 2 months' time...)

My results is seriously crap. Like, WTH larh. I am still like last year, still studying, doing homework everyday, and sleeping even later than last year. But the results still like shit like that, especially Maths...=(

Have I lost my interest in studying? Guess not.

Have I been distracted away from my studies? Probably.

Alot of things to juggle nowadays. Yes, I know that I am not the only Sec 3 who feels stressed up. All Sec3s do.(Kays, MOST, not ALL.) Thing is, I am afraid, that if I keep up my current lifestyle with my super heavy workload to handle, I might break down sooner, rather than later.

Is it worth it? Does anyone appreciates me? Lolz. Dumb question, I know.

Still, everyone can afford to wonder if they are being cared for.

Yea, alot of people sees me as the kind who can handle both my studies, CCA, friendships etc super well. Thing is, I am not. I am not the super qiang person you all make me out to be. I am not the super responsible person you all make me out to be. I am not the super cold person that you all make me out to be.

All this I have to be, in order not to fall behind. Still, I really can't keep this up. Really feel like giving up...=(

Thanks to my various committments, have I neglected my friends? Have I abandoned them? Do they still treat me as a friend?

Seriously, I do not know. Some of my troubles might be caused by myself, but at least if there was a person somewhere whome I could relate to, maybe it wouldn't be this bad.

Problem: I have sealed the escape road myself. 10:55:00 pm